Casey West > Acme-Drunk > Acme::Drunk

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NAME ^

Acme::Drunk - Get Drunk, Acme Style

SYNOPSIS ^

    use Acme::Drunk;

    my $bac = drunk(
                    gender         => MALE, # or FEMALE
                    hours          => 2,    # since start of binge
                    body_weight    => 160,  # in lbs
                    alcohol_weight => 3,    # oz of alcohol
                   );

   $bac >= 0.08 ? call_cab() : walk_home();

DESCRIPTION ^

Calculating an accurate Blood Alcohol Concentration isn't as easy as it sounds. Acme::Drunk helps elevate the burden placed on the Average Joe, or Jane, to know if they've had too much to drink.

You might think to yourself, "but wait a minute, all I need is a fancy breathalizer test!" You'd be wrong. For the same reasons that The Man are often wrong on the street, and have to bring you in for a blood test. Those generic devices don't take into account important issues in drunkenness, but Acme::Drunk does.

Now all you need to be a law abiding citizen is your laptop, and we all have those at the pub, right? Right.

Constants

Acme::Drunk exports two constants, MALE and FEMALE. You're drunk if you don't know which one to use.

drunk()

drunk() takes four named parameters, detailed below, and returns the Blood Alcohol Concentration (BAC) as a number. Note that drunk() couldn't return a true value for drunkenness because not all jurisdictions agree on what the proper BAC level is to be drunk.

gender

Currently Acme::Drunk only works for humans, and only recognizes MALE and FEMALE human genders. Use the constants exported for you to identify your gender.

If your gender or species isn't supported, please email the author.

If you don't know your gender or species, you are drunk.

hours

This numeric value represents how long you have been drinking. If you took your first sip three hours ago, it's important to note. Your body metabolizes alcohol at a steady per-hour pace.

body_weight

Your body weight is also important. Not all people are created equal, and the amount of alcohol one body can saturate is much different than another body.

alcohol_weight

The weight of alcohol you've had in ounces. This can be hard to calculate, and two helpful functions are exported for your use. Here is a common example, Guiness Gold Lager.

  my $alcohol_weight = floz_to_etoh( 16, proof_to_percent( 8.48 ) );

Acme::Drunk can't do these sorts of calculations for you. You might be a raging alcoholic, drinking 45 beers a night, or so many different drinks that Acme::Drunk can no-longer keep track.

If there is interest, Acme::Drunk may have an accompanying Acme::Drunk::Drinks package containing constants such as GUINESS_DRAUGHT_CAN, JACK_DANIELS, or NyQUIL. Please contact the author. Here would be an example.

  alcohol_weight => ( GUINESS_DRAUGHT_CAN*7 + JACK_DANIELS*3 ),

If you can't come up with the alcohol_weight you've had, don't worry, you might not yet be drunk.

proof_to_percent()

Accepts one argument, the proof number. Does a simple calculation to convert it to percent. Returns the percentage.

floz_to_etoh()

Accepts two arguments, the number of ounces a drink was, and the percentage of that drink that was alcohol. Returns the fluid ounces of alcohol contained in the drink.

ml_to_etoh()

For our less US-centric friends, this function is exactly like floz_to_etoh(), except its first argument is the number of ml in a drink.

How it Works

Widmark's Formula for Blood Alcohol Content

  ( ( (FlozEtOH * 0.0514 lb/flozEtOH) * 1.044 g/ml )
    / (Lbs of person * Widmark r g%/mlhr) )
  - (Hours since first drink * Widmark beta)
  = BAC g%/ml = BAC g/dL = BAC% w/v

'nuff said.

AUTHOR ^

Casey West <casey@geeknest.com>

COPYRIGHT ^

Copyright (c) 2003 Casey West, All Rights Reserved. This module is released under the same terms as Perl itself.

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