#!/usr/bin/env perl
use Lingua::Shakespeare;

Shakesbeer, by Jonas Sjöbergh, jsh@nada<dot>kth<dot>se.

Romeo, a man who curses men and likes women, while taking up some space.
Juliet, often the temporary affections of Romeo.
The Ghost,holds his liquor.
Hamlet, a man who is a bit jumpy.
Oberon, o.
Emilia, e.
Titus, t.
Ajax, n.
Angelo, a.
Shylock, s.
Lennox, l.
Bianca, b.
The Abbot of Westminster, w.
Desdemona, d.
Robin, r.
Capulet, ,.

		     Act I: Where the action is.

	      Scene I: Where the beginnings are located.

[Enter Hamlet and The Ghost]
Hamlet:
	Thou art as mighty as the sum of a proud rich trustworthy hero
	and a handsome Lord. Thou art as noble as the square of thyself.
	Thou art as rich as the difference between thyself and a plum.
The Ghost:
	Thou art as good as the difference between a Lord and a Lord.

	    Scene II: Where bottles of beer are displayed.

[Exeunt]
[Enter Hamlet and The Ghost]
	the Ghost: 
	Thou art as good as the sum of thyself and a Lord.
[Exeunt]
[Enter Romeo and the Ghost]
Romeo: 
	Open your heart.
	the Ghost:
	You are a fine brave gentle bold amazing Lord.
[Exit The Ghost]
[Enter Bianca]
Bianca:
	Speak your mind.
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy
	lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful
	lovely fine sunny summer's day and a golden hair. Speak your mind.   
[Exit Bianca]
[Enter Oberon]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible
	disgusting rotten oozing blister and a toad and a cursed
	miserable dirty disgusting hairy 
	half-witted lying coward. 
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Oberon]
[Enter Titus]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible
	disgusting rotten blister and a dirty smelly toad and a cursed
	miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying coward. 
	Speak your mind. Speak your mind.
[Exit Titus]
[Enter Lennox]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible
	disgusting rotten oozing blister and a dirty smelly toad and a cursed
	miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying coward. 
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Lennox]
[Enter Emilia]
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy
	lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful
	lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a golden hair
	and the sum of a red rose and a flower. Speak your mind.
[Exit Emilia]
[Enter Shylock]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible
	disgusting rotten blister and a dirty smelly toad and the sum of
	a cursed miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying
	coward and a cow.
[Exit Romeo]
[Enter the Ghost]
	the Ghost:
	Am I as good as a plum?  If not, Speak your mind.
[Exit the Ghost]
[Enter Romeo]
Shylock:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Shylock]
[Enter Oberon]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Oberon]
[Enter Juliet]
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy
	lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful
	lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a golden hair
	and the sum of a red rose and a yellow flower. Speak your mind.   
Juliet:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Juliet]
[Enter Bianca]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Bianca]
[Enter Emilia]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Emilia]
[Enter Robin]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible
	disgusting rotten blister and a dirty smelly toad and the sum of
	a cursed miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying
	coward and a big cow. 
	Speak your mind.	
[Exit Robin]
[Enter Hamlet]
Hamlet:
	Am I as good as a Lord?
	If so, let us proceed to Scene III.
	Am I as good as a fine Lord?
	If so, let us proceed to Scene V.
	Let us proceed to Scene III.

	     Scene III: Where a wall enters the picture.

[Exeunt] 
[Enter Romeo and Oberon] 
Oberon:
	Speak your mind.
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Oberon]
[Enter Ajax]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible
	disgusting rotten oozing blister and a smelly toad and a cursed
	miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying
	coward. 	
	Speak your mind.
Ajax:
	Speak your mind.  
[Exit Ajax]
[Enter Titus]
Romeo:      
	Speak your mind.  
[Exit Titus]
[Enter Juliet]
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy
	lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful
	lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a beautiful golden
	hair and a lovely red rose. Speak your mind.    
[Exit Juliet]
[Enter Emilia]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
Emilia:
	Speak your mind.  
[Exit Emilia]
[Enter The Abbot of Westminster]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a normal 
	furry little goat and the sum of a cow and a black hog and a
	horrid infected rotten oozing smelly stinking vile
	blister. Speak your mind. 
[Exit The Abbot of Westminster] 
[Enter Angelo]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a disgusting
	fat miserable dirty smelly toad and a cow and a
	horrid infected rotten oozing smelly stinking vile
	blister. Speak your mind.
[Exit Angelo]
[Enter Lennox]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind. Speak your mind.
[Exit Lennox]
[Enter Capulet]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the difference between a huge big cow and
	the sum of a cursed vile evil plague and a horrible huge hairy
	dirty smelly hog.
[Exit Romeo]
[Enter the Ghost]
	the Ghost:
	Am I worse than an animal?
	If so, let us proceed to Scene VI.
[Exeunt]
[Enter Hamlet and Capulet]
Hamlet: 
	Am I as good as a Lord?
	If so, speak your mind.
[Exit Capulet]
[Enter Romeo]
Hamlet:
	Am I as good as a son?
	If so, speak your mind.
	Am I as good as a brother?
	If so, let us return to Scene II.
[Exeunt]
[Enter Juliet and Capulet]
Capulet:
	Remember me. Recall my last remark.
[Exit Capulet]
[Enter Romeo]
Romeo:
	Thou art as fine as the sum of thyself and a red rose.
	Speak your mind.
	Let us return to Scene IV.

		     Scene IV: Where a line ends.

[Exeunt]
[Enter Romeo and Juliet]
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a flower and the sum of a
	lovely red rose and a beautiful gentle sunny summer's
	day. Speak your mind.

	Thou art as cute as the difference between yourself and the sum of a
	furry cat and an animal. Speak your mind.
[Exeunt]
[Enter Hamlet and The Ghost]
The Ghost:
	Thou art as good as the difference between thyself and thyself.
	Let us return to Scene II.

	      Scene V: Where bottles are passed around.

[Exeunt]
[Enter Juliet and Capulet]
Capulet:
	Remember me. Recall that I always tell you to do so.
[Exit Capulet]
[Enter Romeo]
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of thyself and a gentle summer's
	day. Speak your mind.

	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a rose and the sum of a
	lovely gentle summer's day and a beautiful fine yellow
	flower. Speak your mind. 

	Thou art as cute as the difference between yourself and the sum of a
	small animal and a daughter. Speak your mind.
[Exit Juliet]
[Enter Titus]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the sum of thyself and a foul smelly
	oozing evil red blister. Speak your mind.

	Thou art as foul as the difference between thyself and a foul smelly
	oozing evil red blister.
[Exit Titus]
[Enter Angelo]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Angelo]
[Enter Juliet]
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy
	lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful
	lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a fair warm golden
	hair and the sum of a little animal and a cat. Speak your mind.    
[Exit Juliet]
[Enter Emilia]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
Emilia:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Emilia]
[Enter Oberon]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Oberon]
[Enter Ajax]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Ajax]
[Enter Emilia]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
Emilia:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Emilia]
[Enter Desdemona]
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy
	lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful
	lovely fine sunny summer's day and a fair golden hair. Speak
	your mind.
[Exit Desdemona]
[Enter Oberon]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Oberon]
[Enter The Abbot of Westminster]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit The Abbot of Westminster]
[Enter Ajax]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Ajax]
[Enter Capulet]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
Capulet:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Capulet]
[Enter Juliet]	
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy
	lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful
	lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a fair fine
	golden hair and a beautiful little red rose. Speak your mind. 
[Exit Juliet]
[Enter Angelo]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Angelo]
[Enter Shylock]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
	Speak your mind.
Shylock:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Shylock]
[Enter Juliet]
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy
	lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful
	lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a fair fine
	golden hair and a rose. Speak your mind. 
[Exit Juliet]
[Enter Titus]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
Titus:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Titus]
[Enter Angelo]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Angelo]
[Enter Robin]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Robin]
[Enter Oberon]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Oberon]
[Enter Juliet]
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy
	lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful
	lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a fair fine
	golden hair and the sum of a beautiful little red rose and the
	sum of a little furry cat and an animal. Speak your mind.
[Exit Juliet]
[Enter Ajax]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Ajax]
[Enter Desdemona]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Desdemona]
[Enter Capulet]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
Capulet:
	Speak your mind.
[Exeunt]
[Enter Hamlet and The Ghost]
Hamlet:
	Thou art as rich as the difference between thyself and a plum.
The Ghost:
	Let us return to Scene II.

			  Scene VI: The End.

[Exeunt]
[Enter Capulet and Juliet]
Capulet: 
	Remember me. Recall the last time we met.
[Exit Capulet]
[Enter Romeo]
Romeo:
	Thou art as pretty as the sum of thyself and a
	furry animal. Speak your mind.

	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a flower and the sum of a
	lovely red rose and a beautiful gentle sunny summer's
	day. Speak your mind.

	Thou art as cute as the difference between yourself and the sum of a
	furry cat and an animal. Speak your mind.
[Exeunt]