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<title>Facts</title>
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<div class="list" xml:lang="en-US">
<h3 id="buffy_facts">Buffy Facts</h3>
<div class="main_facts_list">
<ul>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Buffy will always find a wooden stake to slay vampires,
even if it means she will have travelled 100 years back
in time, to plant a tree nearby.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Buffy Summers does not really need stakes to slay
vampires, because her kisses are deadly for them. And
that includes the ones that she blows in the air.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
The Chuck Norris of the Buffyverse, has been secretly
training under Buffy’s supervision, and so far - lost
every battle with her.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Buffy is so hot, that you would totally love to fight
her. And lose. (<b>Dan Dascalescu</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Buffy Summers is not afraid of demons. Demons are
afraid of her, and for a very good reason. (inspired
by <b>Dov Levenglick</b> via me).
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Medusa’s gaze can turn people into stone. Buffy’s gaze
can turn Medusa into stone.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
<div class="list" xml:lang="en-US">
<h3 id="chuck_facts">Chuck Norris Facts</h3>
<div class="main_facts_list">
<ul>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris wrote a complete Perl 6 implementation in
a day, but then destroyed all evidence with his bare
hands, so no-one will know his secrets.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris refactors 10 million lines of Perl code
before lunch.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris is his own boss. If you hire him, he’ll
tell your boss what to do.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris read the entire English Wikipedia in 24
hours. Twice.
</p>
<ul>
<li>
<p>
Actually, he wrote it in 24 hours. Twice. The
first time longhand in blood. The second time
he typed it in from memory (<b>Drew
Roberts</b>).
</p>
</li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris does not code; when he sits at a computer,
it just does whatever he wants. (<b>Kattana</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris commits with a roundhouse kick into the
SVN server’s head. (<b>daxim</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris <b>is</b> the test suite.
(<b>FurnaceBoy</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris doesn’t make mistakes. (<a href="http://sushee.schreibsturm.org/"><b>Su-Shee</b></a>)
He corrects God.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris is the ghost author of the entire Debian
GNU/Linux distribution. And he wrote it in 24 hours,
while taking snack breaks.
</p>
<ul>
<li>
<p>
He published Slackware under the pseudonym of
Patric Volkerding. (<a href="http://sushee.schreibsturm.org/">Su-Shee</a>)
</p>
</li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris doesn’t commit changes, the changes commit
for him. (<b>araujo</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Code is too scared of Chuck Norris to be wrong.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Bugs are too afraid to reproduce on Chuck Norris’
computer. As a result, when he uses Microsoft Windows,
it behaves just like a Linux system.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris has actually been using Perl 6 since 1987,
and has been waiting for Larry to play catch-up.
(<b>dukeleto</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris is a real programmer. He writes programs
by implementing the most optimised machines for them
using real atoms.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Wikipedia deletionists, beware! If you delete Chuck
Norris’ Wikipedia Submission, he will delete you!
</p>
<ul>
<li>
<p>
Deletionists delete Wikipedia articles. Chuck
Norris deletes deletionists who delete
Wikipedia articles.
</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>
Deletionists delete Wikipedia articles that
they consider lame. Chuck Norris deletes
deletionists whom he considers lame.
</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>
Deletionists delete Wikipedia articles that
they consider lame. Chuck Norris deletes
Deletionists whom he considers lame, for
deleting Wikipedia articles that he doesn’t
consider lame.
</p>
</li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
There are no deletionists. Only Wikipedia articles
which Chuck Norris allows to live. (<b>joeyadams</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Wikipedia deletionists don’t delete lame Wikipedia
articles. Chuck Norris deletes lame Wikipedia articles.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
No one knows all of Perl - not even Larry Wall. Except
Chuck Norris, who knows all of Perl 5, Perl 6 and can
answer questions about the design of Perl 7.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris reads all messages posted to LKML (= the
Linux Kernel Mailing List), understands them all, and
he kills all gnomes he sees in sight.
</p>
<ul>
<li>
<p>
Fortunately for Alan Cox, Chuck hasn’t visited
Swansea yet.
</p>
</li>
<li>
<p>
Here’s <a href="http://groups.google.com/group/fa.linux.kernel/msg/fa3aed8febef2c79">the
context for this</a> in case you do not get
the joke.
</p>
</li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
When Chuck Norris uses Gentoo, “emerge kde” finishes in
under a minute. A computer cannot afford to keep Chuck
waiting for too long.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris is the greatest man in history. He killed
all the great men who could ever pose a competition.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
“My only boss is God. And Chuck Norris who is his
boss.”
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
When Chuck Norris uses git, he takes a coffee break
after initiating every git commit. And then he waits
for the commit to finish.
</p>
<ul>
<li>
<p>
<a href="http://mail.perl.org.il/pipermail/perl/2010-April/010928.html">Here’s
the context for this</a>
</p>
</li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris can make the statement “This statement is
false.” a true one.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris can end world hunger, but he thinks that
hungry people make humanity a more challenging
adversary. If everyone had enough to eat, it would be
too easy for him.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris writes understandable Perl code.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris can read Perl code that was RSA encrypted.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris once wrote a 10 million lines C++ program
in Microsoft Notepad without having to use the
backspace key. And it compiled without errors or
warnings, and was 100% bug-free.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris has 50 years of proven experience in
PHP/MySQL/Java. Each.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
If the mountain will not come to Muhammad, then
Muhammad will go to the mountain. If the mountain will
not come to Chuck Norris, then the mountain will suffer
Norris’s wrath for not complying with his whims.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris has 0 messages in his E-mail inbox.
Including already read ones.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris was never a newbie! He will kill anyone
who implies otherwise. In a very not newbie-like
manner.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Only perl and Chuck Norris can parse Perl.
</p>
<ul>
<li>
<p>
/usr/bin/perl consults Chuck Norris about how
to parse Perl.( <a href="http://nadavvin.com/">
<b>Nadav Vinik</b> </a>)
</p>
</li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
All Chuck Norris has to do is <b>look</b> at Perl code
and it interprets itself out of fear and respect.
(<b>DrForr</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris taught God how to create the universe.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris is the reason why the Knights who until
Recently Said “Ni”, are no longer saying “Ni”.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris is not afraid of superstitions.
Superstitions are afraid of Chuck Norris. (Via <b>Dov
Levenglick</b>.)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris <b>does</b> expect the Spanish
Inquisition.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
The Spanish Inquisition does not expect Chuck Norris.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
A wood chuck can’t chuck wood. Chuck Norris can chuck
wood chucks.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
If Chuck Norris asks you “What's up?” and you answer it
literally, then he will club you senseless with all the
volumes of the Oxford English Dictionary, and all the
servers hosting en.wiktionary.org, to teach you a
lesson.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris helps the gods that help themselves.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
If Chuck Norris had been born before World War II,
there would have been only one world war. However,
there would have been three largescale Chuck Norris
masacares of Nazis and Communists.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
If the mountain does not come to Muhammad, then Chuck
Norris will bring the mountain over.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
An apple a day will keep Chuck Norris away. But not for
long.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Reality to be conquered must be obeyed. You’d better
obey Chuck Norris or he’ll conquer you.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris had a problem so he decided to use regular
expressions. Now, all the World’s problems are solved.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
A is A and A is not not-A — unless Chuck Norris says
so.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris can make East and West meet.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
When Chuck Norris orders Pizza, it arrives before he
presses the OK button.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris does not need to heat up food. The food is
already warm right after he took it out of the fridge.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck’s idea of a short walk is to the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andromeda_Galaxy">Andromeda
Galaxy</a> and back.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris hasn't taken these facts down yet, so they
must be true. (<b>Cantide</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
For every A, Chuck Norris is both A and not-A. Chuck
Norris is fucking everything.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Tomorrow never dies, unless Chuck Norris volunteers to
take it out of its misery.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
God created the world in 6 days and rested on the 7th.
Chuck Norris created the world in one day, and has been
incrementally destroying it every day since, without
rest.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris is always right. Even if he says that “A
is not-A”, he would be right, because Logic is subject
to his whims.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris does not own a dishwasher. His dishes know
better than to become dirty.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
The Angel of Death cannot keep up with Chuck Norris’s
throughput of killing.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Computers are useless because they can only give you
answers. Chuck Norris is not useless, because he knows
the questions which these answers belong to.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris is <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vito_Corleone">Vito
Corleone</a>’s godfather. (<b>ZadYree</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris will kill everyone who has not read these
factoids. Slowly and painfully.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris could have built the Roman Empire in a
day. And it would have taken him even less time to
destroy it.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris once counted all the real numbers on his
fingers. (<b>ZadYree</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Only two things are infinite: the universe, and Chuck
Norris’s destruction ability. And we cannot be sure
about the former thanks to the latter.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris knows who John Galt is.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris won the Nobel Peace Prize. For making
millions of people rest in peace.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
God is Chuck Norris, for extremely large values of God.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris can become root on OpenBSD. By using
nothing but /bin/echo. (<b>ZadYree</b> and <b>Shlomi
Fish</b>).
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris is the reason why OpenBSD is called
OpenBSD. They wanted to call it LockedDownBSD but
couldn't find a way to keep Chuck Norris out!
(<b>Andrew Brehm</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
For all you know, you may not exist, and Chuck Norris
convinced you that you do.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris wrote an interpreter for a Turing-complete
language using only NOPs.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris does not keep any numbers on his mobile
phone’s address book. Instead, he memorised the entire
phone directory.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
When Chuck Norris drops a cat, it falls on its back so
it won’t lose eye contact with Chuck.
</p>
<ul>
<li>
<p>
If Chuck Norris had dropped his toasts, they
would have fallen on the dry side, so they
would have stayed on his good side. But Chuck
Norris <b>never</b> drops toasts.
(<b>ZadYree</b> and Shlomi Fish).
</p>
</li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris can solve MS Freecell deal No. 11,982.
With Zero Freecells.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris once solved 100 million deals of Freecell
in a minute. By hand.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
After Chuck Norris said “I don’t believe in fairies.”,
fairies have become extinct.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris caught the early bird before she caught
the worm.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris can make one baby in a month using nine
mothers.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris helps God help those that help themselves.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
God ties Chuck Norris’ camel. (Inspired by a
conversation with <b>ZadYree</b>).
</p>
<ul>
<li>
<p>
Here’s the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=God_helps_those_who_help_themselves&oldid=573760763#Other_historic_uses">context</a>
for this.
</p>
</li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris can convince everyone that the colour of
the bikeshed should be his favourite colour.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris finished building the bike-shed by the
time people stopped arguing what its colour should be.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris’ E-mails are signed with “Sent using Chuck
Norris’ brain (which he can also kill you using it).”.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
When Chuck Norris receives an E-mail signed “Sent from
my iPhone”, he makes sure that iPhone won’t be able to
send any more E-mails — to Norris or otherwise.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris wrote a program in Python that was easier
to understand after being encrypted with RSA.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
When Chuck Norris disses your product, it’s not good
publicity, even though you can bet he’ll get the name
right.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris knows if you’re a dog on the Internet.
</p>
<ul>
<li>
<p>
Here’s the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/On_the_Internet,_nobody_knows_you%27re_a_dog">context</a>
for this.
</p>
</li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris was the 1,000,000,000th viewer of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gangnam_Style">Gangnam
Style</a> video on YouTube.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris used these facts to his advantage, making
a huge comeback. He didn’t get mad — he got even!
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris has 99 problems including a bitch.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
If Chuck Norris travelled to the market with his son
and his donkey, he would have clubbed the critics to
death. With the donkey.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Roses are red, violets are blue, something something
Chuck Norris, now they are red too. (<b>Rounin</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris can construct any logical expression using
only AND gates.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris can neither confirm nor deny that he was
the Alpha Male. But he’ll kill you if you say he
wasn't.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris does not boil up water. If he wants, his
ice cubes boil water, instead of making it cooler.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris wrote the entire tvtropes.org wiki, so he
can sleep with your significant other while you are
distracted reading it.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck norris can edit Wikipedia super protected pages.
Anonymously. (<b>ponie</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Reality to be commanded must be obeyed. Chuck Norris
disobeyed reality, and now he commands it.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
“Talk Like a Pirate Day” is the only day of the year
when Chuck Norris only talks like a pirate, and does
not actually act like one.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
On Yom Kippur (= the Jewish Day of Atonement), Chuck
Norris forgives God for his sins.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate holidays -- holidays
celebrate Chuck Norris. (<a href="http://sevvie.github.io/"><b>sevvie</b></a>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
<div class="list" xml:lang="en-US">
<h3 id="clarissa_facts">Clarissa Darling Facts</h3>
<div class="main_facts_list">
<ul>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Clarissa Darling can start from “I think therefore I
am” and prove that the grass is green, that there are
about 365 days in a year, and that Isaac Newton
formulated the Law of Gravitation back in 1687.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Gödel’s Incompleteness Theorem is about to be replaced
by the Darling “Like, Totally!” Completeness Theorem.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Clarissa Darling will win over Chuck Norris in a battle
of wits.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
<div class="list" xml:lang="en-US">
<h3 id="emma_watson_facts">Emma Watson Facts</h3>
<div class="main_facts_list">
<ul>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Playing Hermione in the Harry Potter films was a dirty
job, but Emma Watson got a shitload of money and
worldwide recognition for doing it.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Emma Watson is not acting in films for money. She is
acting in films for a shitload of money.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
If the miller had travelled to the market with Emma,
they would have each rode their own donkey. Problem
solved.
</p>
<p>
( See <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_miller,_his_son_and_the_donkey">the
Wikipedia page</a> about the fable for the context.
)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Emma Watson is not perfect, but she's really good at
hiding her imperfections.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Emma Watson may not look too menacing with a wand in
her hand. Until she uses it with great accuracy to poke
both your eyes out.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
If the mountain does not come to Emma Watson, she won’t
bother visiting it. It would be the mountain’s loss,
really.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Emma Watson does not have 10 years of experience in
developing Enterprise Java software. However, she has
over 10 years of experience in getting shit done -
well, on schedule, and at a reasonable cost.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Fluttershy">Fluttershy</a> immediately
stops crying when Emma Watson comes to visit her.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Emma Watson and you would make the best children.
She'll provide the talent, good looks, and brains,
while you provide the sperm. (Via <a href="http://twitter.com/connorpollock3/status/496358902540169216">Connor
Pollock</a>.)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
<div class="list" xml:lang="en-US">
<h3 id="in_soviet_russia_facts">“In Soviet Russia” Aphorisms</h3>
<div class="main_facts_list">
<ul>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
In Soviet Russia, cats own you. No, wait! Cats own you
everywhere.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
In Soviet Russia, superstition believe in you. (<a href="http://mail.perl.org.il/pipermail/perl/2012-September/012757.html"><b>Sawyer
X</b></a>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
In Soviet Russia, joke is tired of you.
(<b>apeiron</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
In Soviet Russia, XSLT codes you. Badly!
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
In Soviet Russia, food tastes YOU! (<b>Leuthihi</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
In Soviet Russia, government is afraid of you!
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
In Soviet Russia, meme uses You! (<b>Volis</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
In Soviet Russia, left keeps you. Always.
(<b>Volis</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
In Soviet Russia, every time you kill a kitten, god
masturbates. (<a href="http://linux.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=195378&cid=16009070">GyroTech</a>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
In Soviet Russia, garbage collects you. (<b>mucker</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
<div class="list" xml:lang="en-US">
<h3 id="knuth_is_not_god_facts">Why Knuth is Not God</h3>
<div class="main_facts_list">
<ul>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Knuth is not God! It took him two days to build the
Roman Empire.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Knuth is not God! God has already released TeX version
4.0.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Knuth is not God! Google is not God! RMS is not God!
</p>
<p>
God himself said that was the case.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Knuth is not God! Typing “god” into the Google search
box and hitting “I’m feeling lucky” won’t lead you to
his homepage.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Knuth is not God! Unless you confuse him with Dijkstra.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
<div class="list" xml:lang="en-US">
<h3 id="larry_wall_facts">Larry Wall Facts</h3>
<div class="main_facts_list">
<ul>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall can understand the Perl code he wrote last
year.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall gets the colon.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
There are at least 137 Larry Walls in the U.S., but
only one that matters.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall applies a patch manually quicker than GNU
patch.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall dreams in Perl.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall can program in his sleep.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall is lazy, impatient, and full of hubris.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall has more dollars in the bank than in his
Perl code.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall <b>does</b> know all of Perl. However, he
pretends to be wrong or misinformed, so people will
think he’s not as awesome as he really is.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall’s pure-Perl code is faster than Assembly.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall has been changing the world. By modifying
its very source code.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall can make shit up, and the computer will
understand what he means.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall gets the colon.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
There are at least 137 Larry Walls in the U.S., but
only one that matters.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall applies a patch manually quicker than GNU
patch.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall dreams in Perl.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall can program in his sleep.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall is lazy, impatient, and full of hubris.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall has more dollars in the bank than in his
Perl code.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall <b>does</b> know all of Perl. However, he
pretends to be wrong or misinformed, so people will
think he’s not as awesome as he really is.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall’s pure-Perl code is faster than Assembly.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall has been changing the world. By modifying
its very source code.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Larry Wall can make shit up, and the computer will
understand what he means.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
<div class="list" xml:lang="en-US">
<h3 id="nsa_facts">NSA Facts</h3>
<div class="main_facts_list">
<ul>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
The NSA don’t publish. They perish.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
The NSA employs the largest number of mathematicians
with Ph.Ds. And the most stupid and incompetent ones.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
The NSA has a patent for an efficient process for
collecting a lot of information and doing nothing with
it.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
The Bajoran scholars have positively identified
Benjamin Sisko as The Emissary. They also positively
identified the NSA headquarters as The Dungeon.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
One of <i>Buffy the Vampire Slayer</i>’s episodes took
place in the NSA headquarters, but had to be destroyed,
because all of the test audience had uncontrollable
panic attacks.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
The NSA knows what you did last summer. But no one, in
the NSA or outside it, knows why they should.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
The more the NSA think, the less they want to be able
to think. So they think less and less.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
With the NSA’s budget you would expect evil to be
extinct by now. (<b>Kika</b>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Think of the most incompetent organisation possible.
The NSA would be more even more incompetent than that.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
The NSA headquarters are the unhappiest place on Earth.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
<b>Yogurt:</b> “Never overestimate the power of the
NSA.”
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
First the NSA ignores “silly” Internet memes, then they
laugh at them, then they are unable to fight them, and
then they lose.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
The NSA is an intelligence agency which thinks it can
use Artificial Ultra-Stupidity (AUS) to wade through
tons of irrelevant information and reach genuine
understanding.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Your next job after one in <a href="http://twitter.com/NSACareers">@NSACareers</a>,
will be as a dead corpse in a coffin, 6 feet
underground, or as a patient in a psychiatric ward.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Hackers bend the rules, so the NSA hates them. Instead,
the NSA accumulates rules, observes them, and accepts
their fate: death.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
No one in their right mind will want to work for the
NSA. Fortunately for the NSA, and unfortunately for us,
some people are not in their right mind.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
<div class="list" xml:lang="en-US">
<h3 id="summer_glau_facts">Summer Glau Facts</h3>
<div class="main_facts_list">
<ul>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris can only convince you that you're
deceased. Summer Glau can also convince you that you're
alive, which is much harder.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Summer Glau can hold and use a gun in each hand.
There's no way that Jennifer Lawrence can hold and use
a bow in each hand.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Summer Glau does not have to hurt you if she doesn't
want to . Chuck Norris kills everyone in sight.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Summer Glau has better ways to make a difference than
by being violent.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
It takes Summer Glau exactly a minute to write a
rebuttal like in <a href="http://xkcd.com/406/">xkcd:
“Venting”</a>, and she would sign it as Chuck
Norris.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris ability to destroy is only matched (and
exceeded) by Summer Glau’s ability to undo his
destruction.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Whatever Chuck Norris taketh, Summer Glau giveth back.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Summer Glau can lead a horse to water, and then it will
drink out of its own volition.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris was the 1,000,000,000th viewer of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gangnam_Style">Gangnam
Style</a> video on YouTube. Summer Glau was the
preceding 100 million views.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Summer Glau can restore the people that Chuck killed,
back to life.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Summer Glau can give you the Hug of Death, but you’ll
die happy.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
When it comes to terminators, you have a better shot at
Arnold Schwarzenegger than at Summer Glau. (By
inspiration from the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SJskWeMG_U">Big
Bang Theory episode</a> with Glau as herself.)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris has 99 problems including a bitch. Summer
Glau has exactly 98 problems.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris can construct any logical expression using
only AND gates. Summer Glau can replace Chuck with a
very small AND gate.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Who would win in a fight? Charlemagne, Charles Dickens,
Charles Darwin or Carlos "Chuck" Norris? If Summer Glau
was the arbiter, she would just kill all of them and
declare herself the winner.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris round house kicks doors open instead of
using their keys. Summer Glau makes sure doors are
open using her mind.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris reinvented a better wheel. Summer Glau
reinvented a better Chuck Norris.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Summer Glau just works here. She teaches Chuck Norris
how to perform his chores in the best possible manner.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Summer Glau has a magic mirror in her room which she
asks every day "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the
awesomest of them all?" and if the mirror tells her
something else, she destroys it for daring to lie to
her.
</p>
<p>
She’s still using the first mirror.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff and his deputy. Summer
Glau became the new sheriff and shot Chuck Norris.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Summer Glau can kill you with her mind. But she’ll
never need to or will.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Chuck Norris does expect the Spanish Inquisition. But
he doesn’t expect Summer Glau.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
When wishing to comment on a WordPress blog, Summer
Glau finds a new zero-day WordPress SQL injection
exploit, and uses it to insert the comment into the
database directly, because even she cannot rely on its
comment box to work.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
On “Talk Like a Pirate Day”, ye be sailin’ across the
great seas to seek the shore of Summer Glows and Summer
Glaus. Arrrr!
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
<div class="list" xml:lang="en-US">
<h3 id="xena_facts">Xena (the Warrior Princess) Facts</h3>
<div class="main_facts_list">
<ul>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Xena can meet King David for breakfast and Julius
Caesar for lunch. Without time travel.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Xena beat a Goliath that was taller, and more agile
than the one in the Bible. It’s not only Hollywood
exaggeration.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
No one calls Xena the warrior princess “Zeena” to her
face and survives. Luckily for you she hasn’t visited
modern-day U.S. yet.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Xena can throw a boomerang-like weapon thingy in the
opposite direction and it will still hit the mark while
neutralising 10 of her enemies.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Xena the Warrior Princess has not met Chuck Norris yet,
or otherwise he would have been badly and permanently
injured. (Inspired by <a href="http://twitter.com/ZadYree">ZadYree</a>).
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
<div class="list" xml:lang="en-US">
<h3 id="xslt_facts">XSLT Facts</h3>
<div class="main_facts_list">
<ul>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
XSLT is the work of Satan.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
XSLT is the worst thing since non-sliced bread.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Mothers used to tell their children stories about XSLT
to scare them.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
XSLT is the number one cause of programmers’ suicides
since Visual Basic 1.0.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
The X in XSLT stands for eXtermination.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
XSLT makes the baby Jesus cry.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
The only things worse than XSLT are Excel and
Sugar-Less Tea (XSLT).
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
XSLT is what Chuck Norris has nightmares of.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Confucius says: “XSLT made me realise humanity was
hopeless.”
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Even APL won’t make friends with XSLT. (<a href="http://blog.zuu.dk/"><b>Zuu</b></a>)
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
God considered using XSLT as the tenth plague of Egypt,
but then thought it was too evil.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
In Soviet Russia, XSLT codes you. Badly!
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Satan condemned Hitler for a million years of writing
XSLT.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
The KGB used to torture their victims by having them
look at scrolling XSLT code.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
“My name is Inigo Montoya. You forced my father to
write XSLT. Prepare to die! And be thankful I don’t
force you to write XSLT.”
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Stray XSLT code causes more deaths than road accidents.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evil redirects to XSLT.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
We have nothing to fear but fear itself. Fear has
nothing to fear but XSLT.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
Staring at XSLT code for one minute has a 67% chance of
making one permanently blind.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
The devil created a 10th circle of hell for the
inventors of XSLT, because the first nine circles were
too mild for them.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
<li class="fact">
<blockquote>
<p>
XSLT isn't like violence. XSLT is violence - there is
no such thing as using it too little.
</p>
</blockquote>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
</body>
</html>