chromatic > Acme-Incorporated-1.00 > Acme

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NAME ^

Acme, Inc. produces fine and wonderful products for your pleasure.

SYNOPSIS ^

  use Acme::Incorporated;

  # your code as normal

DESCRIPTION ^

Acme, Inc. produces fine and wonderful products for your pleasure. We have a huge catalog of products for your enjoyment, including many CPAN modules. Remember to go to Acme, Inc. first.

USAGE ^

Just use Acme::Incorporated before any other Perl module and we'll rush our version right to you at the right price and at the right time.

WARNING Supplies are limited. Please act fast. Some modules may be unavailable.

FUNCTIONS ^

You should never have to know how we at Acme, Incorporated do what we do, but recently people have raised questions about the reliability of our products. We strive for transparency in our work and have nothing to fear from your scrutiny. Our main magic comes from the function:

fine_products

Here we recognize your need for an external product and rush to fulfill your order immediately.

BUGS ^

As you'd expect.

Some of our competitors, being the jealous types, and some troublemakers, having nothing better to do, claim that our fulfillment and quality assurance departments are full of errors. We disclaim this, specifically in five parts:

bad_product

Some people claim that we ship bad products, up to 30% of the time. This is not true. All of our products work exactly as we have designed them to work. Any error rests with the user, or more likely a competing product clever disguised as ours.

breaks

Another claim is that our work breaks up to 10% of the time. This is a lie that we shall not dignify any further.

breaks_when_needed

The third claim is that our products somehow detect your hour of need and suddenly fail to work immediately. This is clearly a coincidence; our minds love to see patterns even when they are not present. Think of all of the times ourproducts have worked perfectly and you will see that, even if our products ever broke, you merely see coincidences.

empty_box

One particularly disturbing claim is that we occasionally ship empty boxes. If this ever happens, please return the box for a full one.

out_of_stock

It's true; sometimes a product proves so popular that we temporarily run out of stock. In this case, we will ship you a raincheck to redeem when we can finish fulfilling your order. It's important to us to give you your product as soon as possible -- perhaps even sooner than we have it!

SUPPORT ^

We're so sure you'll be pleased that we offer a satisfaction-guaranteed money-back guarantee. (Some restrictions apply.)

AUTHOR ^

        chromatic
        chromatic@wgz.org
        http://wgz.org/chromatic/

You should also blame people like Mark Fowler, Leon Brocard, James Duncan, and Adam Turoff who were there at the time and did nothing to dissuade me.

COPYRIGHT ^

Copyright (c) 2003, 2005 chromatic.

This program is free software; you can redistribute it and/or modify it under the same terms as Perl itself.

The full text of the license is in the LICENSE file included with this module.

SEE ALSO ^

perl(1).

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